rain rain go away

good lord

2008-07-16T05:08:54Z

Quick updates;

+ My computer works again!
+ I found a sweet fucking apartment in Savannah!
+ I love my room mate!
+ I'm pumped to go back!
+ Recording more music!

- Still don't know what I'm doing!
- Working. Always.

28 days

2008-06-07T05:30:23Z

I can't sleep! I haven't been going to bed earlier than two lately and now I can't let myself fall asleep when I need to. I have to drive my parents to the airport in a couple of hours and then drive out to Mount Airy, run back to Winston, go to work, followed by a busy night!

I have so many decisions to make that I've been avoiding dealing with. Seeing all of my friends in Savannah again really cleared my head about a lot of things.

Everything I've put myself through since the first of May has really put me in a completely different perspective. I have some really tough decisions to make . . .

The future is so open and unknown for me right now. And I know I shouldn't, but I'm kind of enjoying not having a plan. I've had my whole life planned out for a couple of years now and it all completely fell to shit in about a month's time. And very strangely I'm getting pleasure from crashing and burning and picking myself back up on my own.

There are so many options right in front of me and I could take any one of them that I wanted to and be happy.

And even though it seems I'm ready to throw myself in a completely new direction at any given moment, it's not to say that I'm done with everything I intended to do. I guess that's the frustrating part is that even though I could, a part of me is still on hold because I'm just not sure.

I guess the next week is really going to govern the next good bit of my life. I'm pumped to find out what happens to me.

yeeah

2008-05-14T02:22:45Z

So I don't know if what I'm doing right now is necessarily best, but I don't think it's hurting anything and it's only a week or so more I have to deal with it before (I'm hoping) some actual changes occur. Or at least, start to occur.

I'm trying to keep a good head about myself, keep my realizations and understanding in check and I'm pretty much just going where the current situation takes me.

I'm hoping for the best. I've got to. I'll worry about other things when worrying about other things will actually matter. For right now, it doesn't and I need to just make myself happy and focus on fixing me.

So that's what's up. I hope I can stay strong like this. I'm pretty sure I can. It seems to be working out really well for now.

Now I just need to make sure my parents don't hate me.

fuck

2008-05-12T02:23:59Z

I just took on more responsibility than I ever wanted or needed.

Life should be an adjective. I'm very life right now.

I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

My outlook on the future is fairly hopeful but mostly terrified. I just survived a huge life weekend.

Lots of great, amazing things, but lots of really terrifying things also. The terrifying is mostly with school. And what I'm going to do to pull myself out of this with my scholarship still in tact. The great has a lot to do with honesty between my best friend and myself.

In roughly five weeks, my life should be fairly back to normal. It's just a week of sitting around and waiting and figuring out school, and then four of being really strong and working on myself.

Lauren, Sami, Ashley; I'm sorry I haven't contacted you guys much through this shit, but it's going to have to be a little bit longer before I can tell you everything because I don't know exactly what is going to happen right now as far as SCAD goes. I love you guys, just hang tight and I will probably see you all near the end of this week. Promise.

I'm really really really scared of the future because it's so unknown. But somehow I'm still really hopeful that things are going to work out how they're supposed to. I've survived this much shit, I can survive through more.

god damn georgia

2008-04-21T01:20:42Z

So I'm sitting here at home in Winston. Instead of driving to Savannah.

Because I fucking love my fucking house and my fucking cat and my fucking bed and when everything else keeps falling apart these things are always here and therefore so am I.

Things definitely could be a lot worse. Albeit I have a lot of homework to catch up on because I spent my weekend partying.

Where did this weekend go?? I want it to come back... I more so want these next four days to fly by even faster. The quarter will then be half way over, my parents will be in Savannah along with Tyler and hopefullyhopefullyhopefully things will be even better than right now.

A lot of shit depends on me right now, so I can't fuck up. I have to be strong and stable all through the week so the weekend can go well.

I need to stop sitting on the computer and start doing some work, even though I am completely emotionally drained and extremely tired.

...

2008-04-17T02:26:04Z

I'm really really scared about tomorrow.

Please just let things work out and be okay.

shiiiiit 3D

2008-04-06T02:38:54Z

Okay so quick-ish update.

Twenty weeks somehow jumped down to eight weeks, and I can't begin to describe how relieved I am. This quarter is hard as shit. I hate 3D and drawing for design is sucking my soul away. Western Art 2 isn't bad yet, but then again, I haven't had any tests yet.

My new room mate is pretty cool, it's weird to have someone in my room every weekend if I'm there or not, but I guess it'll be normalcy soon.

I am so fucking glad that next year Tyler and I are getting an apartment together. No more of this driving back and fourth shit.

I am not so glad that I have not worked on my 3D project since being here. I've already put 11 hours of work into it, and I'm still no where near finished. Good thing it's due in 48 hours.

Also a good thing; I broke Tyler's PS2 he just bought. So I freaked and sped to the mall and bought him a new one with the dwindling money I have.

I am so in debt all of a sudden. I'm going to owe my mom like 400 and some dollars after this quarter is over, and I just delved into my emergency cash fund for like an extra 100 dollars. Luckily, the Rug just called me and told me they were rehiring me back at a higher pay rate for the summer.

Also luckily, my summer is three and a half months long. So I'll have lots of time to put in all of my long hours. Boo. And I somehow have to raise money for my 'visiting Lauren Mayhew in Minneappolis' fund sometime in July.

OH. And! A Prius full of my SCAD friends and I are making the journey up to NC in a couple of weeks for a Langhorne Slim show. I am so exciteeeeeeeddddd.

Okay, so much for being quick. I need to stop fucking procrastinating and do my damned 3D project.

aah savannah

2008-03-23T01:07:48Z

Okay. I have real mixed feelings about driving back to Georgia tomorrow.

These next ten weeks are really going to be a challenge. After spending a week here, it made me realize a week just isn't enough. My heart is here in North Carolina. It's really hard to put myself back in Georgia when all I want is to be here.

SCAD's great and all, and I love my friends that are there.

I know I'm just feeling this way because it's a new quarter and I'm not used to my classes yet and shit has been rough at home. And I'm sure in a week or two I'll settle down again.

But it's here and now. I'm sitting here at home. And I know that this time tomorrow I'll be sitting in my dorm room. And it just makes me nervous.

If I can just get through these next ten weeks, I know I'll be so proud of myself and I feel so good about being done and the summer will be wonderful. I guess I should just be excited to start to finish.

I suck. I just wish things would be easier. And that I wouldn't stress myself out so much over stuff I know I'm going to have to do.

I see my lover every three days no matter what. Thank god for that.

I need to pack and write down dates and maybe buy some materials.

SPRING BREAK.

2008-03-13T03:20:04Z

My last color theory class is tomorrow morning at 8! I finished Drawing II and Composition today!

FUCK YEAH SPRING BREAK.

I will be home tomorrow for a week around noon!

AAAAAH.

yeah

2008-03-06T20:09:58Z

There's nothing like a little emotional turmoil to bring two people closer. Seriously, it's weird though. Finding out some of the worst possible things I could find out has really turned my life around for the better. I just hope in the long run, I will have made the right decision.

Okay. So.

My room mate is moving out. And leaving SCAD. Which at first was sad because I liked her and she was a good room mate, but then became kind of amazing because I had the room to myself for the last quarter of school. Until SCAD fucked up this girl's rooming situation and sent her to me. Luckily, she seems pretty cool and I think I'm going to like her.

Also, until last night, my classes were going to be extremely difficult for the next quarter. Until I just so happened to think to look one last time to see if any other professors were available for Drawing for Design. And my first choice was open with one slot left in the exact class I wanted. Beautiful. All I have to fear now is 3D.

Well, and finals. I should be rewriting my five page ethics case study for Composition. But. I'm not. And I have to work on a surrealistic landscape in three point perspective for Drawing II. Annnnddd assemble magically a sketchbook for color theory worth a fourth of my grade that I should have been doing all along.

And Tyler will be here in an hour and a half.

Fuck. Spring break come faster!!

Art so far at SCAD.

2008-03-03T02:24:57Z

These are a fwe of my projects I've been doing at SCAD.

First Quarter:

2D Design project utilizing decorative space that forms a pattern.

One out of thousands of still lifes I've drawn; Drawing I.

Drawing I; Linear perspectives of different locations in Savannah. Two of River Street, one of my dorm and one of Anderson.

Portrait of Tyler I did in charcoal; Drawing I.

Only project I did in color the whole quarter with acrylic paints. Owl motif with equalumincesent complementary colors; 2D Design.

Second Quarter:

Monochromatic self portrait utilizing halo effect with an object (scissors); Drawing II

Gauche paint self portrait, color theme = complementary; Color Theory.

I meant to throw in a more recent still life I did in Drawing II but I left it back in Savannah.

Also; a puppy.

Perhaps the cutest puppy alive.

wah

2008-02-27T18:18:13Z

I don't want to go to class tomorrow. I just want to get a head start on my four hour drive. But I'm pretty sure I have to go to color theory because we're making our final film project groups. Maybe I'll sneak away afterwards.

I have produced two self portraits this week. One is painted and boring and the other one is drawn and scary. I'll try to post lots of pictures of all the shit I've been working on here when I'm home for the weekend.

Two more weeks until spring break! I'm so pumped.

I've been playing frisbee in the park with Lauren everyday and we are becoming AMAZING. Soon we're going to have to join an ultimate frisbee team with Tyler. Cos Tyler's already so amazing at it.

The temperature difference between here and Winston is so drastically different. While it's in the seventies here, back at home is barely reaching the fifties.

This is my last trip home before break comes. I'm debating on whether to leave Thursday or Friday of break because the St. Patrick's day parade is Friday morning and it might be worth it? Maybe not. I'll decide later.

aaah

2008-02-12T14:09:26Z

A lot has been up lately, but it's too soon to mention it just yet because a lot of things are uncertain.

I'm in color theory again . . . or rather, I'm not. This is the very class in which I will be working on it's project all today and tomorrow, though I have time to work in class; I prefer to do this. I suck.

I'm technically already considered 'here' and I'd just go back to the dorm and sleep if it weren't for little Lauren love upstairs whom I'll be driving bacEWHEWHEWHEWEWEEEEWWHH grossssssss someone's weird eye lash just jumped onto my keyboardddddddd.

I wish I could expound more on the changes that will be taking place for me by the end of this quarter, but it's just too soon!

In any case, a long awaited picture update will come this weekend when I'm back in Winston. Most likely, when I have access to photoshop again.

fuuuck

2008-02-07T14:11:22Z

Can I just say how much I hate color theory?

I'm simplifying landscapes and converting them into black and white to paint over them in fletcher's triadic color system which I don't even completely grasp. What. Three main colors that are 3-5-4 away from each other in a color triangle? What?sdkbvksd

Tyler sucks balls and won't be here until three in the morning. But he wants to stay until Monday. Too bad I have to get up at 6:45 for my 8am class on Monday, leaving him to sleep in the room with Courtney that morning! Strange!

I went to the beach on Tuesday and it ruled. I'll post pictures of all of this soon since Lauren taught me how to use Picasa! Yee.

KK. Back to color theory. BALLS.

yeee

2008-02-05T14:02:56Z

My color theory class was canceled this morning. Thank god. So now I get to waste an hour of my time at the toyota dealership because for some reason it takes that long for an oil change. I am updating via my iPhone. I did get here first though so maybe they were just exagerating. Fuck I love Conan obrien and his feud with colbert. Not so much jon Stewart though. He's an ass. Okay my iphone is on delay now so it is hard to type. When I drive back up abercorn Im going to yell at those damn clinton supporters on the corner. Ron Paul people were there last night. I want to get in on some ron paul canvassing. Okay this has litterally taken me half an hour to type but what else do I have to do right now besides find something to waste my time?

yeah!

2008-01-31T19:48:52Z

I am so excited. I am taking Lauren Mayhew up to Winston Salem this weekend. PUMPED.

I'm waiting on her to finish her lame art history test so we can leave! Yeah! I gotta go fill up my tank though.

Adios, Savannah.

oh my god

2008-01-28T04:02:52Z

Last night ruled so hard.

Everything about it. It was like a party I'd throw at home. But better.

I love Tabatha. lawlsauce dur.

And Rebecca Snyder, Ashley Zichlin, Ezra, everyone. My boyfriend.

I can not wait for these facebook pictures. I am a loser.

I think I have cavities and bed bugs. Gross.

fuuuuck color theory

2008-01-24T14:13:59Z

So I've been sitting here in Color Theory class, hiding out in the computer lab because I am completely unmotivated to sit and paint saturation; achromatic scales, and matching swatches for some dumbass floral pattern I picked out; when I decided to fuck around on google.

Savannah is super awesome. It's pretty and historic and haunted and all of that, but it fucking reaks. It fucking reaks like rotting, warm cabbage all the fucking time. So I googled it. In hopes to find out why. But, I just found about thrity thousand other people that feel the exact same way.

"Savannah smells like an egg fart all the time, paper mills and acid plants."
"Savannah smells like a cucumber farm with a clogged toilet."
"Savannah smells like vomit in a bathroom."
"Savannah smells AWFUL. It's like a papermill plant with dead baby factory workers. . ."
". . .biggest negatve about Savannah was the smell. The second I drove into Savannah I was overwhelmed with a smell of raw sewage and chemicals."
"The Santa in Savannah mall is creepy and smells like gin."

etcetcetc

I think I'm about to get thrown out of the computer lab though. Awesome. I still have an hour to go of this class.

At least Tyler is going to be here around six today! =)

life lately

2008-01-23T03:15:03Z

So.

I was secretly in North Carolina from Thursday until early this (Tuesday) morning. I spent the whole weekend at Tyler's and we had a lot of fun. I miss it already. I'm so glad Tyler is my love. It's really hard to be so close to someone and be physically far away. It puts a lot of stress on our relationship where there's normally not. It's great that he's already coming down again so soon. I'll see him the day after tomorrow.

Time is actually going by a lot faster than I could have hoped. I'm already three weeks in. Seventeen more to go. Seventeen sounds a lot better than twenty. It'll be great when I'm counting down from ten.

I can't help it. I like it here at SCAD. All of the people are great. Classes aren't even really that bad. But nothing can really make up for the fact that the largest part of me is five hours away. It really gets to me sometimes.

Whatev. I'm done whining, and I'm off to watch Rob and Big. Instead of my homework. Because I'm irresponsible and lazy.

helllll

2008-01-15T19:00:00Z

Hey. Fuck.

people with curly hair can not be trusted

2008-01-11T01:00:28Z

Even though at the beginning of the week I was freaked out and panic-y, the week ended nicely. I'm feeling better.

I hate girls! Except for the few who live around me at school. Cos they're awesome.

But I love Tyler. I'm so glad he's my best friend and lover. He's perfect. I really hope these twenty (nineteen now!) weeks move by fast. Because I hate driving. And because I don't want to have to drive four hours just to look him in the eyes. And! Dorms suck. Life will rule harder next year when I have an apartment. Until then, there will be lots of evading SCADcurity.

Also on my list of lameness is The Life of Ryan. Really. Who fucking cares.

yaaaay savannah

2008-01-06T16:21:14Z

I have to make that five hour drive today. I haven't even packed yet. I'm thinking about leaving around four. Maybe three. Tyler is sleeping behind me. I don't want to leave him, but I know it really won't be so bad. Especially with how we planned out our schedules with school. Now I'll be here around lunch on Thursdays, and when Tyler comes down, he'll be in Savannah by Thursday evenings.

I really don't want to pack, but I need to. There's just . . . soooo much.

I can't wait to see my room mate again! Or anyone else for the matter. This is a very bitter sweet type of deal for me. More so sweet.

If I break all of this down into four five week periods, I think it'll go fast. Five weeks until this quarter is half over, and another five until spring break. Then five weeks until third quarter is half way through, and then five more until summer. It sounds easy enough.

I can do this! See you guys in Savannah around 7 or 8!

Oh PS. I just checked out the weather for Savannah for this week.

Sunday: sunny, 72
Monday: sunny, 73
Tuesday: sunny, 75
Wednesday: partly cloudy, 72
Thursday: chance of thunderstorms! 73
Friday: sunny, 70

Yeah, so, there's one thing I won't miss about Winston Salem.

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

2008-01-03T08:47:02Z

Oh my god. Oh my god.

I hate being sick. I can't breathe out of my left nostril. At all. My nose is on fire because I've blown it so much all day and I'm pretty sure I have a fever.

I'm on so much medication right now and for whatever reason my Vicks inhaler is failing to work!

I feel really bad too cos Tyler is asleep behind me and my body won't stop flipping out and sweating and coughing and jerking around.

Fuck. Someone shoot me now. This is hell.

sup 2008

2008-01-02T18:48:06Z

New Years was alright. I spent it with Tyler and his momma and we all drank margaritas and watched movies together until three in the morning. Sadly, all of us are deathly ill. =/

I'm seriously going to miss 2007. I mean, literally, the best year of my life. So many great people, parties, and life changing milestones like graduating and college.

I have some pretty high expectations for 2008; such as moving into an apartment with a room mate I've yet to find, then my baby moving to Savannah in the fall. Also keeping my grades up, and being able to enjoy myself. It's a hard balance to manage.

But I'm pretty sure Courtney and I will keep holding it down with our VH1 reality trash parties! As well as my mundane five hour drives back and forth from Georgia to North Carolina for my prettybaby.

It's fucking crazy that I'll be turning 20 this year. Why does that sound so old? Probably because I still feel like I'm seven.

I wish everyone the best for 2008. I'm now going to go dye my hair fire engine red. Pumped.

your's is the first face that i saw

2007-12-17T19:04:24Z

I'm not sure what exactly happened. I gave him time and space, and all of a sudden, it just worked.

On the car ride to Charlotte he told me that two years was a long time and he wasn't sure for a while if he fell into this, or if it was something he truly wanted. But he took his time and space to realize that he wants this because he wants me.

And we talked for a long time about how we've grown and learned from this, and how even though it was terrible it was also necessary. I feel a lot stronger because of what we went through, and I feel like I have a much healthier perspective on things.

So we're back together. We're not a hundred percent back to normal, because it will take time for me to feel secure in us again, and vice versa. But we are together again, and both of us feel so much better.

I learned a lot in these three weeks; who my true friends are, what really matters, and how strong I really can be. I'm proud of myself.

Also in these past three weeks; I saved my neighbor's house from being burnt down, got my credit card thrown away, (by my coworker!) and finally put the issue of that girl calling Tyler to rest.

I'm excited for these next three weeks because I get to spend them with Tyler and our families and really start to actually enjoy myself.

Thank god. And everyone of you who gave me advice or let me know you gave a shit.