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[Jul 17 08 > 9:13am] |
I'm about to leave for PA with the whole family, including my uncle Kevin and my cousin Charis. It's going to be a tight squeeze and a long drive. I'm really looking forward to the trip - lake house, canoeing, Dutch Blitz tournament, cookouts, swimming, fishing, sneaking cigs and grass and being with people I'm related to and do not know, whatev. When we get back my parents want to go down the Yadkin River with us on our raft we made last summer, I can't wait!
Sarah cut my hair last night so now my rat tail looks more like a rat tail, I can't wait to braid it.
( it's simple. )
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[Jul 16 08 > 6:56am] |
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on my porch, smoking and watching the sun rise. the dew is on my feet and although its funny dylan is playing inside while cloudy and mackenzie sleep right here in front of me, im pretty okay with what today brings me. miss you, not sure what i did, but you "got me!"
"these three steps and he's all yours. well, I tried sohard to follow, but I must have skipped the last one.
i'm so happy for you but I have my good times too when I Finger pick and I watch the rain"
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| good lord |
[Jul 16 08 > 1:06am] |
Quick updates;
+ My computer works again!
+ I found a sweet fucking apartment in Savannah!
+ I love my room mate!
+ I'm pumped to go back!
+ Recording more music!
- Still don't know what I'm doing!
- Working. Always.
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| buzzing toward insanity |
[Jul 13 08 > 9:51am] |
marta exiting exit; chicago
BUZZING TOWARD INSANITY
i can't really say
if i've ever been truly
upon truly happy. but i can say
that i've had a hell of a lot of fun,
and even manage to feel content most
of the time. but my life...something has
always eluded me.
as if somehow the gods have seen fit to bless me
with an abundance of the things i don't need
while holding back on the things i require.
i suppose this surplus of things
i don't need
has somehow kept me numb. to a degree.
and the ongoing effort to gain
the things i require...well,
it mostly leaves me exhausted. mentally
and physically.
it's at these moments
that i sit back,
breathe,
and let a feeling of contentment take over. it's much like
giving up,
but on a slightly different level.
i look around me:
the fastest runners seem to always win the race.
and the most beautiful girls always seem to have it solved.
for me,
i've never been the fastest. i've never been the most dashing.
but like i said,
i have enough of the other things that have always kept me buzzing along.
perhaps
there's no answer. perhaps
there are too many questions.
perhaps i'm becoming less numb
and inching my way towards insanity.
for now,
i'll sit back and watch the view. see
if that feeling of content
returns to me.
"let's go for drinks"
marta says.
and i watch her
as i desperately
try to keep it all together.
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[Jul 12 08 > 11:44pm] |
Went to South Charlotte today to hang out at my aunt & uncle's house. We went swimming and had a gigantic feast of shrimp, crab legs, clams, potatoes, corn, flatbread, homemade peach ice cream and brownies. omgz. My grandma was over and being fucking insane as usual. We made watermelon lemonade cocktails after dinner and watched some show on CBS about dog's and either owners. I really appreciate weekends right now with school and work :[
( Read more... )
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